well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
