I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
