I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
