so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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