Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
