sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
All I want is dick and wine.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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