i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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