I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
