what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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