Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
