Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just blew my weed a kiss
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Randomize
