The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
