i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
