; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
