we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
