Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
