why didn't you poke me back
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
