My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
