Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
