Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize