Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
