Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
