Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
