Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
please come you make the beer taste better
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Randomize
