All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
In the future we'll all be gay
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
