if you like me you must not know who I am
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think I sprained my soul last night
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize