; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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