Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
