Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Non-Jews are for practice
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
