Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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