Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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