we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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