Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
