I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
