I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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