I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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