I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
