i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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