saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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