THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
