if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
FUCK WHALES
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize