just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
