What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
