You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize