Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
