New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
