Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
