Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
