I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize