So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
