Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
we're so committed to being not committed
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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