Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
