it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
