Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
