So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Randomize
