I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I want her autograph on my taint
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We have so much sex to catch up on
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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