The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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