You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
