Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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