In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This is the high leading the old right now
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Randomize
