And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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