So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
