My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
