I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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