i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
