soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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