I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
