Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
where are my eyebrows?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
