Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize