just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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