it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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