Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You may now shotgun with the bride
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
