You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
