Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
