I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
