I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
