Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize