his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I wish you could order shots online.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
