I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
