I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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