I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
