just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
