The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
