i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
