First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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