my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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