I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
