the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Do you have feelings for this penis?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
