Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
