My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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