Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
