i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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