if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
All the doctor said was why
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
