Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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