Already got asked if we're dating
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
