im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
