I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
