I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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