oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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