rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
